Things I want most.....

The Lord whispered something to me this morning. Something my heart was needing to hear and be reminded of. Something I had momentarily forgotten when I got all self-focused these past few weeks.

That's the problem when we're always looking at ourselves. In doing so we take our eyes off of God and instead of seeing ourselves through His eyes...we're only looking at ourselves through our own.

And that creates for some cloudy vision.

And my vision's been cloudy these past two weeks.
I've been focusing on the wrong things.
The kind of things that lead to negativity, unhappiness, and lack of fulfillment.
Things like...comparing, judging, assuming, being resentful, selfish, and just plain mad.

I don't wanna be those things. I don't want to focus on those things. Not for two weeks, two days or two hours. Galatians 5 tells us that, "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."

Keep in step means continued walking. It's an action. He steps I step. Always together. It doesn't say that He gets to go on ahead of me while I hang back here and pout for a while and then decide to catch back up when I'm good and ready. It means where He goes I go. It is something that I must always continue doing.

I want to walk in step with Jesus. I want my vision to be focused on the Him. I want to see myself the way He sees me. I want my attitude to be in line with what is pleasing to Him. I want my thoughts and actions to glorify Him because He deserves no less from me.

And this morning as I prayed He reminded me of something wonderful. Something that I knew about myself...but I let get pushed down my list of priorities when I decided to take a little attitude detour.

The things that I want most in life.

Most meaning...there I things that I want in life, things that are good and acceptable and fun and and superficial...but ultimately...ultimately, there are things that I want more than that.....

things like.....

being obedient to the Lord's prompting...like when I pull up to a stop light and place a bundle of bread in the outstretched hands of a begging mother who has her two children wrapped to her back and chest. And just as importantly getting to explain to Marvelly who is crying in the back seat because I just gave away our banana bread....why I did that.

I want to see God use Marvelly to bring simple delight in the way of tickles and belly kisses to our beloved friends. I want to see her smile so much from all the love God's pouring out of her that her face is sore and her fingers ache. I want to see her love and give until she is sweaty and tired and dirty and ask to come back tomorrow to do it all again.

I want to get my hands dirty with red soil.

I want to hear more prayers from Sydaleigh asking Jesus to, "fill my heart with joy" when she's having a rough morning attitude wise...and then seeing God show up big in her heart and take her sour attitude and transform it into something beautiful. I want to give my daughters more opportunities to be used by God, to rely on His strength and open up their hearts to receive more joy...so that they can sit contentedly and blow bubbles to parentless children....

Or on first sight be so completely drawn to a child Sydaleigh calls Elliel, "her baby" and refuses to let him go.

I want my arms to ache from serving.

I want to laugh and see my family bubble over with joy. 

I want to spend my mornings watching this sweet girl not only smile, but giggle with delight, when she so rarely ever does.

I want to bear witness to the incredible works of God.

I want more opportunities to be used by God to meet adoptive parents who have just been matched to their kids but still have months and months of a wait in front of them before it is finalized...and let them know I am loving their children as if they were my own until they can come back and bring them home.

 

I want more time getting to hang out and become familiar with this cool guy, who is getting quite tech savvy.

I want God to continue to use our home as a respite for missionaries to come and relax and be refreshed before they head back to the field.

I want to give until it hurts.

I want to not be afraid to look at hard things. 

I don't just want my kids to inherit my beliefs, but see them follow Jesus because their love for Him has nothing to do with me. 

I want to see Isaak come home excited and fired up from getting to be a part of a passion God placed in his heart.

I want to serve as a family.

I want to follow God wherever He leads and join him in His work that I have the privilege to be a part of.

I want my "yes" Gods to outnumber my "no's".

I want to love others how He loves me.

I want my life to ultimately bring Him glory and praise. 

At the end of the day...those are the things I want to fix my mind on. Those are the things that really matter to me and those are the things I want the most in life. And if some other stuff has to get sacrificed along the way in order for me to live for the the things that matter most...well, so be it.

"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ..."-Philippians 3:8

...by the grace of God may that be my heart's song....